Parents may not even realize that there are a number of damaging and wrong things that they may say to their kids inadvertently. After saying something terrible they may wish they had never said such a thing! Resentment could get triggered, self-esteem could get dented or sentiments that are less than desirable could be brought within children as a consequence of the terrible things you may say to them. Before you say anything to your kid, think twice, from now on. There are some phrases which must not be uttered.
Don’t Ask The Child To Hurry
Children need time to master techniques. To push the child to do something will only create more stress in him/her. Instead, ensure to slightly soften the tone and say, ‘Let us hurry’. This is an indication that you both are in the same team. In fact you too, can get into the hurrying act, race and see who can do the job first and make it more interesting rather than stressful.
Avoid Stating That All Is Ok
Avoid telling the child that he is fine, even after being hurt or injured. The child may only feel worse if he is told that he is fine. Instead make the child understand and deal with the hurt and the emotions instead of plainly getting them discounted. Acknowledge what the child has to say, hug the child and state that, ‘after all, it wasn’t all that scary!’ After this you can lovingly kiss the child and ask whether he would like an ointment or a bandage.
Don’t Over Appraise
The first thing is to be as specific as possible, while commenting. For example if the child does a good job, avoid repeating ‘good girl’ or ‘good boy’ each and every time. Rather than getting motivated, the child becomes more and more dependent on the affirmation you provide. Instead you could say ‘I liked the way you did the job’ or ‘That was nice’ etc. instead of ‘Great job’.
Avoid Saying Practice Makes Perfect Job
One thing is true that when more time is devoted on a particular work by anyone, be it an adult or child, skills will definitely become sharper. However with an adage of this kind, pressure or excelling or winning, only gets ramped up. It only indicates that you had not trained enough due to which mistakes were made. In the end, kids are only left wondering whether they were wrong, and even after practicing hard, they were unable to excel. Instead, the child should be encouraged to work hard after which he can improvise and feel proud about the progress he or she makes.
Avoid Comparing Or Warning
A lot of mothers would want to frighten the kid by saying ‘your sister or brother is better than you’ or ‘wait till your dad comes’ etc. For your sake and the child’s sake, it is best to avoid these comments.
Avoid Telling The Child You Are On Diets
If you have decided to lose weight, then it is best kept to yourself. The child may unnecessarily develop an unhealthy image of the body. Instead, a good idea would be to state that you want to exercise, and want to eat healthy as you like the way it makes you feel. This will only help in inspiring the child to join you and feel inspired about what you do!
Avoid Forbidding Or Saying ‘No’
Remember that the more you forbid the child to do something, the more that forbidden thing will appeal to the child. The child may feel like exploring and wanting to do that particular thing only. So avoid saying, ‘don’t do this’ or ‘don’t do that’.
Avoid Hiding Certain Things
Be clear with the child as far as possible. Being clear about the boundaries or else the consequences will not be clearly defined. Children need to be clear about results. Due to this they can be much freer and others will not take advantage of them.
Avoid Pampering All The Time
It’s ok to pamper the child at times. However, once the child is out in the open world and does not get pampered, he may not feel good about it. Hence, explain to the child that whatever success he or she attains it is for their progress and benefit. It’s alright if the child is not pampered in the outside world.
Avoid Constant Follow Up
Avoid overprotecting the child. Let the child do things and experience the outcome, at times. However make sure you are observant and keep track of whatever is being done. This way the child will learn to be and do things on his own.